She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
