I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
