What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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