I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
