My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
