Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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