The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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