I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize