I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
