Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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