I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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