just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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