its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
