I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
