I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
