is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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