sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
