just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize