Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
