I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
