help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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