i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I want to be your penis for a week.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
