drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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