I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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