her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
