God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
