Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
