She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
