last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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