saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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