i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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