i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
