i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
