I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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