Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm passing your future prison.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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