Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
