She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
