How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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