they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
