I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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