Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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