Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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