You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
