i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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