Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
