OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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