Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
