last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
