I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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