i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
