i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I AM VODKA MAN
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
