I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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