I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
