You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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