I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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