Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
MIDGETS
????
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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