I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
