I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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