Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
