wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
