I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
