i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just tell him i said nine months
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
