she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
