saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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