The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
