okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
