Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
