my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize